I like to work at hyperspeed, stacking five errands(two pickups, the USPS, a return, and a quick jaunt into Trader Joe’s)in the 45 minutes before school pick-up. Even in my work with Truth & Gold, I make strategic plans that have no room for error, with trackable goals, timelines, and complicated looking charts. And yet, summer is here, and my children are home.

They do not do hyperspeed unless they’re playing Sonic on the Nintendo Switch or racing neighbors up the street and back. What they specialize in are popsicles, afternoons at the pool, making snacks for the herd of neighborhood kids that have descended upon our home, and what our 5 year old affectionately calls “slow days.” Those are Saturdays or days they can stay in their pajamas until noon without the pressure of go, go, go. 

It’s not just my children that are beckoning me to slow down: it’s my garden. I have a tiny plot and a few small raised beds that are full of green plants. In the winter, I purchased flower seeds from Floret (oh my stars, she has the best seeds!) with big plans for a full and lush garden. 

I planted rows of Zinnia seeds (three varieties), my starter herbs, and tomato plants. Our oldest planted his veggies and our youngest’s sunflower starters from school. And then I stared at those plants, waiting for the full, lush garden I dreamed of. My seeds sprouted, but everything is green. No red tomatoes, no pumpkins, and no flowers. I was tempted to run to the store to find some flowers to plant, but then I laughed at myself. Who buys $30 worth of seeds and then goes to the store to buy plants when they still have full packets of seeds?! Oh, the girl who wants life at hyperspeed. I want to clip mini bouquets and deliver them to neighbors in thrifted vases. I want to clip a colander full of basil to freeze pe​​sto for the winter. I want cucumber and tomato salads, not just one or two homegrown cherry tomatoes. A porch full of pumpkins that we watched grow and that are too many to count. I want a boatload, and I want it now. 

I’m growing in therapy even though I don’t leave each session saying, “Wow, I grew so much today.” Some days I do, and some days I leave, not seeing the growth that time and perspective will show me. 

Truth & Gold is growing even though it’s not hitting the quarterly financial mark or is anywhere near what I thought it would be when we started almost 7 years ago. But when I look at the growth of infrastructure, and even the relationships we’ve formed, I can see the slow growth.

This is never more clear than when we think about the life of an ally. Some of the allies that were born out of the 2020 social media movements around the deaths of Black & Brown people fall into the camp of performative allies. They read a few social media posts, watched the news, and decided to take a stand against injustice. Maybe they read a book or two that opened their eyes, or maybe their awareness began prior to 2020, but for many, their growth was fast. But, sadly, not sustainable.

Understanding injustice and all its complexities, histories, and impacts on our North American culture takes time. The human heart can’t hold the instantaneous weight of this level of knowledge- it’ll break the heart, crush the spirit of hope, and land itself in deep depression.

Growth must happen over time if we want the movement of change to propel forward. And so, this summer, I’m embracing the spirit of growing slowly by sitting poolside instead of carting my laptop along. I’m working fewer hours to play board games after lunch, and I’m nursing my very cold coffee all morning long as the boys and I work through another 1000 piece puzzle. I’m revisiting “A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America” by Ronald Takaki, a book that I started over 10 years ago and have been slowly reading.I hope you see your own growth-no matter the speed- as growth and not another thing to overcome.  

Growth must happen over time if we want the movement of change to propel forward. 

And so, this summer, I’m embracing the spirit of growing slowly by sitting poolside instead of carting my laptop along. I’m working fewer hours to play board games after lunch, and I’m nursing my very cold coffee all morning long as the boys and I work through another 1000 piece puzzle. I’m revisiting “A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America” by Ronald Takaki, a book that I started over 10 years ago and have been slowly reading.

I hope you see your own growth-no matter the speed- as growth and not another thing to overcome.  

In this with you, Elicia